The Catch Can
By Rick Eckart

TOP 10 THINGS IN TONY STEWART'S NEW CONTRACT
Tuesday April 29th, 2008

10. That "Tony Stewart Day" coincide with "Dairy Queen Day" nationwide.

9. Goodyear tires that are inflated.

8. Or Hoosiers that are flat.

7. A pair of pants from Jared Fogle of Subway when he was 425 lbs. You know, to give Tony something to shoot for.

6. A trampoline that'll give him a head start on some catch fences he'll be climbing.

5. If he goes to Haas-CNC Racing, that he be traded for Ken Schrader, Johnny Sauter, and a "dirt car to be named later".

4. That he be named to People Magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" as often as Juan Pablo Montoya.

3. That the "All-Star Race Donut Contest" be changed from the smoky kind to the sugary kind.

2. A pile of Mardi Gras beads and 90 minutes free time in the Talladega infield.

... and the #1 thing in Tony Stewart's new contract...

1. That his next racecar be painted eggplant with "sponging" or a "faux-finish".